secretspace

Going back to where things began to go wrong, where a living death began – a compacted and heavy burden, invited, entertained, nourished and later shunned.

Winding in a van through streets, possessions shifting in the back, complete with watchful eyes mocking; at the same time a heart bleeding.

Moving on seemed nothing back then; escape not thinly disguised, each time different but the same.

Running from what? The question lingers still: a blissful heart was not enough, nor satisfied desires.

The sound of your catching breath, your heartbreaking threats; your guilt, your pain.

Where is the peaceful empty space, the longed for place, taken by the only ones who could?

Torn apart, twisted days, freedom starts.  Please life come back to my deadened soul, my heart.

To know that important things are not so important any more; that nothing stays the same.  To understand that the familiar milieu, which to you is boring and staid, someone else, somewhere else would take it up for themselves, if only in their dreams. That your life now could be someone else’s dream. That you can achieve your dreams; though living them will change them.  That everything is both not real and real.

To see and hear all around people cataloguing their own private downfalls, living a frustration that thousands, countless others know too well, have known for too long, and know also that living it is winning, not losing. To understand that what would make you give up and leave might also be enough to make you come back; to start again, an outsider now, by choice, in fact.  That disaster happens, but at the same time beckons new.

To understand that if things are not meant to be, then they never will be; the horizon will never change.  Unless a catastrophic event occurs, which is not impossible, there, here, anywhere.  The meteorite can change to suit its situation, an entity embodying every force known to nature: creative, destructive, physical, and intangible.  To know that you can choose to hope or not to hope; that it makes no difference, really; and to understand that this is not defeat.