secretspace

Made it outside today.  Saw the frost – the winter is real. Life goes on. I sit in my chair, in my room, waiting for them to take me out; then I sit there and chew and life goes on. Are they talking to me or through me?

Where am I and what happened to my life? Nothing matters to me anymore, what matters to them. Are they smiling at me or through me? Where is my family?

I see the breath in the air. I can hear the sounds around me, but not quite next to me. I can see the pace of life has changed; I gave up, a long time ago, trying to keep up and understand. This suits me fine. I breathe in and exhale; I breathe in and exhale.

My reference point is there, but some days I choose not to use it. I drift and ponder. Why do people walk so fast? Nothing really changes. We sleep and chew. We live.

What was unbearable is not so much – these days. When I look back, I understand; try not to understand. Life was better with its mysteries and pain.

I look back through my mind’s eye and a tunnel stretches out behind me. Flickering memories, I choose, one by one. One day soon, the tunnel will be in front of me. The fading events will be reeling through my mind. I will fall into the welcome depths. I am smiling; the softness is my death.